CAR HUMOR

CAR HUMOR

We all need a laugh here and there. So today I built a collection of everything funny that's car related. It's almost the weekend! SO SMILE! 

What NOT to say when being pulled over...

“Hey, I’m glad you’re here. Can you tell me how fast I was going?  My speedometer stops at 130.” 

A man requests a new car, with the specification that “it should be fast.  Like, really fast.  I want to be able to go from 0 to 150 in 2 seconds flat!”

The wife then leaves the room.  Confused, the man stands in silence for a moment, until the wife comes back into the room and throws a bathroom scale onto the floor.

“There!  You want 0 to 150 in 2 seconds?  Stand on this and you’re good.”

Two old and bitter rivals, Jeremy and Richard, happen to get into a car wreck on a deserted road far from town.  They get out, check the damage, then confront each other.  Jeremy speaks up, “You know, old foe, this wreck has made me realize: we’re lucky.  This fighting is so trivial compared to the beauty that is life.  Let’s end it.  Here, have a drink with me.  Take a mighty swig.”  He pulls out a flask and hands it to Richard.

“Filled with emotion, Richard gladly accepts.  He takes a good, healthy pull of the booze and hands it back to Jeremy.  But Jeremy caps the bottle and throws it in the ditch.

“What are you doing?” Richard asks.  “You’re not going to have a drink?”

“Nah, I think I’ll just wait for the cops to go through their breathalyzer tests first.”

Q: What does the new speed limit signs say on our suburban roads? 

A: Max speed - 60 mph. (Fords, do the best you can.) 

If your Bentley is taking up 2 parking spaces, then okay. I get it. But a Toyota Prius? I feel obligated to deflate your tires now. 

(source: http://www.jokes4us.com/miscellaneousjokes/corporatejokes/fordjokes.html)

A guy walks into a dealership sounding like he's furious and demands to know, "Who's the strongest in here?"

The toughest guy looks at him and says "I am the strongest around here!"

The other guy politely asks "Oh sweet, can you help me push my car to the gas station then?"

"Whoever owns this truck must be one awesome dude. Not only is it a F-350, it's got gigantic testicles hanging off its bumper. Clearly, its owner is a tasteful, understated gentleman who knows he has a sweet ride, but wants to advertise it discretely by letting his nutz hang out for the world to admire. Thank you F-350 owner, for showing us just how much of a man your really are." 

(http://jalopnik.com/5811299/ten-amusingly-dumb-car-invention/)

AND IF ALL THAT WASN'T ENOUGH

HERE IS A...

Funny Car Crash Compilation 2013

EASILY Get Streak Free Windows (quick video!)

Does this sound like you? 

"ALL I WANT TO DO IS CLEAN THE WINDOWS WITHOUT THE @$@# STREAKS!!!"

Those pain in the butt streaks bothering you too? 

Well watch this video and never have those problems again! Thanks for watching!

Apparently people were asking about how they can get "streak free" windows for their cars. So by request (yes we listen) we're showing how we get rid of those pesky streaks! I'm sorry though, most car washes WILL NOT have a completely streak free option. 

HAVE A REQUEST? Let us know on 

twitter.com/VM_PRIDE

&

facebook.com/ValleyMotorsLogan

HOW TO: PROFESSIONALLY Clean the Cars Carpets

HowTo: Professionally clean your vehicles carpets!  (Click!)

The new car smell is long gone but the stains from spilling soda in your car are still there. Along with mashed in french fries, dirt, mud and whatever else you track into your cars floor. It's time to bring back that new car look into the carpet, and we'll show you how. Just click on the link above! ^^^ (CLICK!)

5 Reasons Why You Should Save Your $ and Buy A Used Car

Reasons Why You Should Buy A Used Car

Get More Bang for the Buck

Everyone wants the newest and latest models these days. The mindset "Newer is Better" isn't always true though. If you truly want the most bang for you buck on a new set of wheels, a slightly used vehicle could save you thousands of dollars. 

Depreciation 

For example you can find an earlier version of a used luxury vehicle for less than a new Honda sedan. Lexus, Jaguar and BMW can all be found for a fraction of the price when it was first introduced. Edmunds.com states that even buying a car one year old can save you 20-30% from depreciation. 

Examples: Lexus, mercedes-benz 

Mental Depreciation: Another bonus of a used car is that you often don't stress over the next microscopic ding or scratch. Chances are the previous owner already took care of that for you! 

Insurance

As insurance rates are affected partially to the year of the vehicle, any used vehicle purchase will save you money compared to a new sticker price with your insurance company. Car insurances also commonly pay only for what the car is worth instead of what you owe on them as well. With a new luxury car after a years worth of driving, chances are you're going to owe a lot more than what it's worth! 

Reliability

Consumers have demanded cars that have more reliability than in the past... along with everything else I suppose. Manufactures have continued to step up their quality in the past (Hyundai, Kia, Ford) to match with consumers wants and other competitors, all with a lower price as well. Some manufacture warranties may carry on to the used buyers, saving even more money with the purchase. 

Find What You Want

Years ago it was hard to find what you wanted among the car dealers. Rolling the dice and praying for a great car to fall in your lap. Today however, with the power of the internet you can find exactly what make, model, millage, year, sunroof options and more from the comfort of your favorite couch. This makes buying that perfect dream car of yours much more likely and easier too. With sites such as CarFax.com record exactly where the vehicle has been. Hunting for cars is now pressure free and more enjoyable then ever. 

Safe and Inexspensive Parent Friendly Cars

Parent Friendly Cars

VALLEY MOTORS

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Parents worry over the safety of their kids so it would only make sense to make a list of the safest cars out there. Reliability and quality would also be close behind on the list of must have attributes.
For this list we have searched across the web, taking into consideration information found from Consumer Reports, Edmunds, KBB and our own team for the best "Parentmobiles" out there.

For safety measures, we looked at Insurance Institute for Highway Safety's (IIHS) past favorites. To be one of the "favorites" the car had to pass crash tests with a "Good" average.

Costs for 5 year average is based on normal attributing factors: Insurance, fuel, tax and maintenance.

Who would appreciate the vehicles are based off of how much room, visibility, and ease of access for the little ones as they grow up.



Small Car             Price              Cost for 5 Years Est.                 MPG              For Who? 

Honda Fit           $15,000             $5,100                                         27/33          Small Kids-Teens
Honda Civic       $14,000             $5,950                                         26/34          Small Kids-Teens
Toyota Corolla   $14,000             $5,550                                         27/35          Small Kids-Teens

Family Car             Price              Cost for 5 Years Est.                 MPG              For Who? 

Honda Accord    $16,000             $6,500                                          21/31              Kids-Teens
Nissan Altima     $16,000             $6,700                                         33/33          Small Kids-Teens
Mazda6               $11,000             $6,950                                         24/31           Small Kids-Kids
Ford Fusion        $19,000             $7,350                                         17/24          Small Kids-Teens

SUV                       Price              Cost for 5 Years Est.                 MPG              For Who? 

Honda CRV        $17,000            $7,200                                         20/26            Small Kids-Kids
Mit.Outlander     $16,000            $7,700                                         17/24            Small Kids-Teens
Ford Flex            $29,000           $10,200                                        16/22            Small Kids-Kids
Kia Sorento        $16,000           $8,100                                           15/22                    Kids


These are all great options for about every parent out there. Minivans were not part of the list because, naturally, they are designed for above factors already. We simply wanted to show alternatives. Maybe a Father's Day gift is something the whole Family can enjoy!

10 Facts You Didn't Know about Cars

We all love our four wheeled modes of transportation, so why not learn some fun facts about them? Here we go starting with....

• The average person will spend two weeks of their life waiting at a red light. (Depressing, we know)
• Best selling car of all time is the Toyota Corolla with over 30 MILLION sales.
•  A total of 19 people fit themselves in a Smart Car! Never underestimate the power of the Smart Car.

•  16% of people NEVER wash their car. 
•  Car airbags kill one person to every 22 they save. 
•  Only in America would more people be killed crossing the sidewalks than illegally Jaywalking. 
•  National Insurance Crime Bureau estimates that 21% of car owners don't lock their doors. That might have something to do with 1 in every 170 cars being stolen every year. 
•   Over the course of a lifetime, the average driver will curse about 32,000 times while driving. You potty mouths! 
• William Morrison built the first electric car in 1891. However, once Henry Ford introduced the Model T in 1908 the electric car fell out of favor. 
• Last but definitely not the least in any means... 

Are You Tired of Being Pressured Into Buying a Car at Dealerships? We are too

Are you tired of being pressured into buying a car at dealerships? We are too.

Here at Valley Motors, we pride ourselves in our ability to sell the lowest price for the most quality vehicles. No, we do not play mind games with our customers or pressure them into sales. We use our wisdom and advice to those who ask and offer a low pressure environment. We are more than happy to help out our long time customers and excited to meet our potential customers.

We can't wait to share our successes, upcoming vehicles, and  stories with everyone!
valleymotors.net